Loss changes more than our circumstances — it changes our questions. After a death, a divorce, a diagnosis, or the collapse of a long-held dream, many people find themselves asking things they never had to ask before: Why did this happen? Where was God? What is my life for now? These questions are not a crisis of weakness. They are the soul doing serious work.
For people of faith, loss can bring a painful double grief: grieving the loss itself, and grieving the simpler faith they had before. Anger at God, doubt, or spiritual numbness are far more common than most congregations admit — and they appear throughout scripture and the writings of the great spiritual traditions. Lament, it turns out, is an ancient and honest form of prayer.
Psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl observed that human beings can endure almost anything if they can find meaning in it. Importantly, meaning is rarely found by explaining the loss — most losses have no satisfying explanation. Meaning is more often made: in how we live afterwards, who we become, what we build, and how we love because of what we’ve been through.
Meaning-making takes time, and it can’t be forced or rushed by well-meaning phrases like "everything happens for a reason." It grows quietly — through honest conversation, ritual, community, service, and gentle attention to what still matters. Counselling can hold space for both the grief and the questions, without pressuring you toward tidy answers.
"Suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning."
— Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning
Try this in practice
- Give your questions a home. Write your hardest questions in a journal — unedited. Naming them honestly is itself a spiritual practice.
- Practise lament. If prayer feels impossible, borrow words: the Psalms of lament (e.g., Psalm 13, Psalm 88) give permission to be angry, confused, and faithful at the same time.
- Keep one small ritual. Light a candle, visit a meaningful place, or keep a weekly moment of remembrance. Ritual carries us when words fail.
- Look for meaning in action, not explanation. Ask "What can I do because of this?" rather than "Why did this happen?" — even the smallest act of kindness counts.
- Stay connected. Isolation deepens both grief and doubt. Let one trusted person — friend, pastor, counsellor — walk with you.